Today I woke up with the belief that I was going to take it easy. Well yes I'm going take it easy. Three former school pals are coming over at 5p.m for dinner. We decided it would be a nice way to toast the end of a great month: Black History month. Fast-forward –So I dragged my tired heels to my desk. Turn on my PC. Checked my school email and low and behold a letter from the University in my inbox. Immediately my stomach goes into overdrive which turns into panic. My stomach begins to do that churning thing. I begin to hyperventilate and immediately I grab the cordless phone called my tutor, who I have utmost respect for and fully trust.
He says in the calmest of voices: please don't panic I’m here for you. We will get this done together, even if it means I have to pull one or two all-nighter with you to speed things up, ok! I say yea sure. But of course all the while my stomach is churning and I need to use the restroom.
Dear Ms. C H,
We are contacting you regarding your progress in x, y, z, because your semester is nearing the end. All coursework and final exam must be completed by the dates outlined at the start date of your program. If you have any question please contact your academic advisor for clarification.
Sincerely,
Mr. Getthefuckinggoing
The only intelligent response I could muster...
Dear Mr. Getfuckinggoing:
In all due respect I barely get any sleep as it is. Besides who needs sleep especially when you’re sleeping with books? Yuk! I can hardly eat because I don’t care to because each time I speak to you I simply lose all desire, even sexually. Plus eating would take far too much time away from the work at hand. I’ve had no sex in several weeks, which takes my imagination into places where I don't care to go. My Notebook computer fucked my PC last week, caught a virus so I had to call the computer doctor. My computer doctor was so sexy I couldn't get any reading done while he was here for four hours. All I wanted to do was go to my room and masturbate. The fact that I'm sleep deprived doesn't help. Staying awake all night trying to get the work done so that you can bleed red ink from that trusty little red pen of yours all over my polished assignments doesn't inspire me. Clarification! What clarification is needed here? I’d rather drink my own urine than to talk to you ever again. FYI- My dinner party went off without a hitch. I maintained my composer. Thank g-d! All that needs to happend is get the lettuce wet so the salad can be tossed, then I'll be back on track.
"A society that thinks the choice between ways of living is just a choice between equally eligible "lifestyles" turns universities into academic cafeterias offering junk food for the mind." No wonder I'm fat!!!
