~WELCOME TO MY PAGE. ~AKA...NO BS ZONE ~

I'm just odd, overly sarcastic at times, internally optimistic, constantly intrigued, a believer, prefer few over many, hopeless romantic, but a dreamer all-throughout...from the books I read, to the clothes I wear, to the places I’ve travelled, to the movies I watch, to the music I listen to, to the men I’ve loved...this is my world, take a seat, relax and

just live in it...just feel me!

"Passion make the world go around. Love makes it a safer place." -Ice T

4/24/2010

PRODICAL CHILDREN...

Seriously... Cuz, here the deal. I was feeling at a loss for things to do for my birthday. My best friend totally inspired me several weeks prior to my birthday when she gave me the super cool idea of doing Random Acts of Kindness in honour of my own birthday, and asking friends to join in the fun as a gift for my birthday. No one bit. But I was bitten by the bug, and I thought what harm could be done.


{You see where this is going, don’t you?}

So I spent an entire week doing 44 Random Acts of Kindness in honour of my 44 years of life.

1. I fed 2 parking meters.

2. I took food to the shelter.

3. I gave a hitchhiker a drive.

4. I bought my assistant lunch.

5. I paid for someone’s lottery ticket

6. I gave street person my sunglasses

7. I took out the trash for my neighbour

8. I brought a flower to my Aesthetician.

9. I handed a bottle of water out the car window to jogger.

10. I asked a very macho dude if I could pump his gas for him.

11. I bought a packet of cigarettes for my apartment manager.

12. I bought a get well card for my neighbour because she was sick.

13. I bought soil, seeds and growing container for a fellow neighbour.

14. I bought donuts for the entire office staff at my physiotherapy clinic.

15. At the grocery store I paid for a young boy’s lunch at the deli counter.

16. I dropped in on my former teacher with a coffee just so I could see the smile on his face.

17. I unloaded an older couple groceries and casually walked away.

18. I asked a tenant if I could put a wash in for them and paid for the two loads to wash and dry.

19. I cleaned up all the trash outside my apartment building.

20. I picked up a chocolate bar for my friend and showed up for a quick visit.

21. Returned grocery carts back inside the store from the parking lot for shoppers.

22. Inconspicuously dropped coins on the ground as I walked pass a homeless person.

23. I handed out Tootsie Pops to children (asked parents permission first of course!).

24. I bought a 1$20 gift card for groceries and turned around and handed it to woman in line behind me. I wasn’t prepared for the look on her face. I immediately left before I started to cry

25. I walked up to a family eating lunch at a local restaurant, placed a gift card on their table and walked out

26. Dropped off a hand written thank you note and doughnuts at the police station.

27. I took a large bag of clothes to the local homeless shelter.

28. I left 3 Tim Horton’s coffee gift cards for a coffee on random seats.

29. I paid for the woman’s coffee behind us in line at Starbucks.

30. I tucked happy notes in car doors in parking lot wishing people a good day full of God’s blessings.

31. I bought a Mylar balloon with a ribbon on is and gave it to a child.

32. I went to my friends house and read bedtime stories to their children.

33. Left quarters at a Laundromat.

34. I wrote a letter to old friend the old fashioned way and mailed it

35. I walked down the street into McDonald’s and asked the cashier to use my free coupon on next person in drive through line.

36. I took pictures of two tourists in front of Hard Rock Cafe and a family in the park.

37. I took plates of cookies to 2 neighbours I don’t really know and spent some time talking with them (no, I did not bake them myself but no one seemed to care).

38. I knelt down and gathered a newspaper that a woman whose hands were full dropped at the grocery store.

39. I left a small treat with a note of thanks for the mailman.

40. I called and left an I love you mom message of her work phone.

41. I gave a dozen hot doughnuts to a crew working on the power lines.

42. I bought a stuffed animal and handed it a child as I was exiting the drugstore.

43. I totally surprised my friend Oneika and bought her two shirts for her birthday.

44. I cooked diner for a friend.

While these were random acts, these are things we can do each day for someone. It was overwhelming but you do get some form of self gratification from this (if you know anything about me I love gratification) but I thoroughly enjoyed the expressions the smiles, hugs and thank you. When I told people who asked why I was doing this they were shocked. One lady actually made me cry…(bo ho ho) but it was tears of joy that my birthday was just a few days away.

Now let the party begin and it did. Unfortunately I cannot post all the images here because it kinda got out of hand.

Me, Mamadou, Maya



Me, Deidre, Maya, Toya

Me, Deidre, Maya, Toya

4/23/2010

IF THIS WORLD WERE MINE HE'D BE HERE WITH ME...

It's been just over a week since Danny passed away. I've been very busy and somewhat distracted from thinking about my friend’s death. I'm having a real fuck of hard time today controlling my tears. It seems my emotions have gone apeshit on me. I didn't realize it would affect me this way. Even though he was married with a loving wife and children that absolutely adored him, I loved him too. I cannot imagine the grief they must feel today. The distance between us never changed we way we felt about each other as friends. The shock I feel is so overwhelming. This is relentless. When will this stop? At 2:00p.m I must be in the gym. It’s my first day back after one whole week. Danny was always working on his abs or something. I'm thinking that is what has triggered this feeling of sadness. Because an hour ago I was too excited to go. The excitement has suddenly turned to melancholy. But you know what I am going to go and work my ass off in honour of my friend. I have a personal trainer and he's so funny, I'm sure things will be fine. He always makes me laugh if nothing else.

GRAND DIGG

Every woman holds an image in her mental wallet of what her perfect lover looks like, and she may spend more than a little alone time playing out a chance meeting with him in her head. Several months ago, while browsing t a dating site, I found my fantasy guy. Dark hair, dark eyes - he was a high - rise of a man, standing a good 5’11 inches taller than my 5'9'' frame. Even under a long sleeved shirt, he had arms that I knew could toss me into the heavens. He was the handsomest man I had ever seen. I was in love. I mean lust. Whatever. Somethings simply defy logic.

I vaguely remember him introducing himself. What I do remember is this: The attraction was mutual, palpable, and instantaneous. We shared some light food, a glass of wine. After several hours of talking, we exchanged numbers.

We spent the next few days talking backgrounds, light flirting, and, eventually, arranging to meet. I couldn’t get him off my mind. I couldn’t wait to see this sexy creature again. Each time I spoke to him my body trembled like a scared child. My words were incoherent and shaky. This eventually passed.

I went to see him. The drive seemed long but in retrospect it was my desire to see him that was longing. Time morphed into walk on the beach, I held his hand, it felt so safe. We dug clams for the feast, then dinner. We walked to the top of the sprawling acres of his property. There we had clams, wine and greens. I had no other place to go, really. At some point it occurred to me that I wanted to kiss him. I offered and even though he was shy he gracefully accepted my offer.

I'd never done anything like that before. Truth is, I probably wanted him more than I had even realized. I didn’t think any less of myself for admitting I was human. But I'd said it, couldn't take it back, and didn't want to. After a few moments of delicious kissing it was getting dark. We hit the pathway back to his abode.

When we finally arrived back at the house I had second thoughts about staying. Looking back I’m glad I did. I kissed him most of the night into the wee hours of the morning and much of the next day. There was no real discussion. I wrestled with him throughout the night trying to keep chastity in place. Yah right! It was a hot summer day. We were also hot. We fondled each others bodies the whole day. The room was small and dirty. Our clothes were trewn all over the small room. We didn't care we were studing each other. Hours passed like seconds. We were practically sustaining ourselves by drinking water and eating honey and some fruits and cereal which we shared. I'm still not sure if we were trying to tell each other something but I was in a certain comfort zone. I knew I had made the right decision.

Talking about sex earlier in the day, it turned out, was the best kind of foreplay. And in the hours that followed, he proved himself a great listener. I wanted to be told what to do by a partner who was physically strong enough to throw me around a little and wasn't afraid of saying what he wanted, accidental noises, rug burns, muscle aches, or sweat. Arms were held back, legs moved up, bodies flipped, turned, licked, and tucked. It was furious and unforgettable.

While we do not see each other as often anymore I'd like to do over. I miss him. I want him. I made some obvious mistakes. I errect no defense. These days he's busy and so am I. But maybe I will call to say hello today! Who knows what can happen.

4/22/2010

I USE TO THINK BIRTHDAYS SUCKED!

The last few years I developed a thinking that birthdays sucked. Especially because my mother is not right here to celebrate with me. Maybe selfish in my thinking but ask if I care? I don't! To me birthdays are simply what the name says: Birth Day!!! That day commenced with my mother me and g-d. My father was not there. (He was gallivanting somewhere in the world.) Anyhow as I was saying that day was fully realized by my mothers sheer will to reproduce an image of her.

Sometimes I wish nobody in the world would care about birthday’s period. They might be fun, they may be 'special', and people might give you gifts. But I find birthdays (apart from mine, obviously) very irritating.

Because it's so tough to remember! I can say for a fact, that I forget at least two of four birthdays every year, among the people I know quite well. And then when it hits you that you've forgotten somebody's birthday, you feel all guilty and miserable inside. I just hate it. And I don't know how to talk to that person afterwards or what to say, etc.

The other reason (most will agree) because it's so tough to choose gifts! I mean, when you want to gift someone very close to you, friend or family, it's so hard to come up with an idea. You may love that person or you may just want to give something for the sake of it, doesn't matter. Gifts are gifts. So many times, my friends and me have wasted hours and yet come up with nothing to gift another friend. The fact that I find shopping a waste of time adds to my pain.

I use to say “Once you're born, forget the date!” I figure if we just remember that you were born - in that month, that year all is good. Special occasions like Christmas, Chanukah, Oman, and all the other things are perfect. Because the whole world celebrate them on the same day and hence you won’t forget. You can gift somebody something on those days.

Sigh.. As you might've guessed I forgot a couple of birthdays this year. (I know, I know. Birthdays will remain for a long long time. And if my memory's not going to be apart of the equation why be involved. I better do something about it.

Now let’s get specifical why I’m writing here. A few days ago I celebrated my birthday and it was AWESOME. Two weeks prior to my birthday one of my friend who se birthday is close to mine had a huge birthday bash at one of the local restaurants. It was to celebrate both of our birthdays. Combined effort I call that. It was a surprise for me to walk in and see my friends and acquaintances. Wow! This was nice. (Actually I hate nice. Being nice is like being prudent. And I hope never to be prudent. 'Nice' is the sloppiest adjective in the whole book. I could live my life nicely without 'nice'. Bill Shakespeare used 'nice' to mean correct, fitting, proper, poetically a good connection, and thus forth. Right now it means 'a nice car', 'a nice ice-cream', 'a nice ass on that chick...' It is a word which deserves to disappear. Soon. To hell with nice.) And who ever sat up one day and said: “Hey I have a great idea, lets surprise someone by throwing them a birthday party.” Ummm! What if the surprise is on them and I didn’t show up? I did because I am nice.

Last weekend my friends Rob and Kim hosted my birthday party. It was crazy fun. We cooked, we ate, we drank, we sang songs, we danced, we laughed we hollered at the moon, we walked we ate some more, we kissed; we drank some more we crashed. It’s was one of those weekends you don’t want to end. I saw people I hadn’t seen since my stroke. Most everyone had time off or on vacation so we turned out to be a super long weekend. Mostly because we didn’t know when we would see each other again. Can you say hung-over…

My actual birthday was the perfect day if there ever was such a day. I woke up at 7am.Way too early since the night before was complete mayhem with the flood of calls. Got dressed and headed into town for what I consider to be the best way to kick-off to a birthday. The Spa. It was delicious, delightful, delectable. In other words yummy! I love that sort of thing. Five minutes into the facial I could feel by body totally relaxing to point where if I were ice cream I would melt all over her hands and onto the floor forming a sticky puddle. Ten minutes I was slightly snoring. It’s a unique thing because as soon as the facial is over I knew it and I was awake.

Then came the Pièce de résistance…the massage. So there I was again just a puddle of flesh in her hands. She had me cooing and oooing. G-d I was in heaven and she knew she had me. I was out like a burnt out street lamp. Gone again. When I emerge I felt so alive rejuvenated and completely fresh. That lasted three and half hours. Best part is it was a gift.

I stepped out into the world feeling brand new. I got into my car and drove home humming the tune that was in my head. Even the muddy river somehow looked good that day! Why was that? Again I was having an epiphany that would change the course of this day. Maybe the notion that birthdays suck is really rather negative and I must get a new perspective. I did.

My former mother-in-law called almost as soon as I walked in the door and said where have you been? I’ve been calling for a week now. Get dressed we’re going for lunch. I thankfully said: Hell yea! With the help of my assistant I quickly dressed and out the door. Lunch was great. My former mother –in-law is great too. I love her and she loves me. The rest is history.

After lunch we headed back to my humble abode. I opened my gift she brought. No real surprise there because she always gives money. I am grateful for ANY money I receive. Thoughtless gifts not so much. We said our good-byes and she was on her way.

While I was on the telephone with my sisters there was a knock on door. Low and behold flower delivery. I really was surprised. I was laughing out loud because this was rare. I use to get flowers at the door but it had been so long I forgot what that felt like. My heart was beating and my mind was racing. Who could have been so thoughtful? After all there was not only one delivery; there were two in one day. These were not just the run-a-the mill flowers. These were massive arrangements of everything exotic. I put my sister on the speaker phone and said talk to me while I read the cards. Ha ha ha ha ha…both my mother and my sisters had sent me flowers on the same day from the same place. It was beautiful. The second delivery came from an unlikely source. I gracefully accepted.

I was overwhelmed. I realized that birthdays are ‘special’ no matter how old you are. I love birthdays so much I'd like to be born again. So THAAAANK YOOOOUUUU to everyone for the gifts and cards! I love all of them and am using them already.


Cooking night / Big party in Eglin
Does it look kinda disgusting? It’s tasty butter bean and chorizo salad.
Butter beans are actually lima beans.
Those fuckers tricked me! The chorizo was veggie.



Kim is writing a cookbook and she wanted me to take photos.
I asked how much cleavage she wanted in the shots,
and she said enough to make her book a bestseller.

Birthday bbq goes up in flames





Happy Rob serves up gourmet burgers...yum yum


People ate the food.


People stood around and had a party


Seth is jumping for joy



Couch potatoes: Mike Angella Vince




This is my new friend Andrea.
She’s smart, fun, cute and always says yes to adventure.


There was crazy sleepover / brunch the next day action.
That’s Hanna! She moved here from Toronto!



Check out the stylish ladies in Elgin!:

Cheerful Cindy



Boom! I’was cured, no water will seem cold to me for the rest of the summer!
Elgin is all right. Gordon Falls it picturesque in the morning.
It’s like deep mountainous woods, but only 40 minutes from Moncton Maybe I’ll raise kids there.
Stay tuned for a post about how I like Elgin now and don’t just say that to console myself.

4/19/2010

LEAP OF FAITH

I believe some of the most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt from within. Friday night I simply made a deal with myself to attend temple. It's strange  because it had been about eight months since I had been to temple. So yesterday I woke at 730 am and true to my word I showered, ate dressed and went. Not to appease G-d? Not because it is ingrained in me. Not for the fear of hell. But it just  because it felt so so right to do so. I was going nuts in my head with all the 'crazy' that has taken place in the past few months. Not to mention my friend passing. I needed a place to think for a few moments. However, concentration of mind is absolutely necessary for establishing union with oneself. This is a difficult thing to do whether one attempts to worship God in manifested form or in the form which is not manifested. I loved it. I am so glad and happy I did.