#9. So I have someone honest and forgiving in my life.
#8. So I can split a one-room apartment for $100/mo because spending $1000 each month to sleep and cook canned soup is bullshit.
#7. So I have someone to hang out with other than my penisless friends.
Also I have something to do when while waiting for Desperate Housewives to come on.
#6. So I have something "real" to blame my problems on.
#5. So I have someone to consistently dislike on a daily basis.
#4. So my less intelligent friends don't feel justified complaining about their boyfriends on the grounds that I don't "understand" because I don't have one, and then refusing to take my brilliantly crafted advice because somehow it's not relevant because I'm single and no single person could ever possibly have any understanding of relationships or the human condition. What's with people who ask for advice, and then don't take it? It's insulting. And it's not even relationship advice. You'll go to a restaurant with them, and they'll ask the waitress, "Is the fish and chips any good?" Of course the waitress replies, "Yes, it's excellent." Then your friend goes, "Ok. I'll have a hot soggy turkey sandwich." What the fuck were they asking for? Did the waitress give the wrong answer? Was my friend hoping the fish and chips was lousy? "Hi, I'll have the fish and chips, but only if it's rancid." People are WEIRD.
#3. Because boyfriends do stupid stuff all the time and it's fun to laugh at even though I think it's sad and pathetic. And also because guys find girls in relationships more attractive.
#2. So when I'm having a crappy day, I can make his life miserable by whining and sulking.
#1. So I have someone to have cybersex with.
-#10. So when I'm at a nightclub and can't find a guy to taunt, tease and tear off my panties, I have a backup plan.
-#9. So when I f@#K him, I can use a hidden camera. I've always wanted to do this with a guy. And he'll be like, "Oh! Baby! What the fuck are you shoving up my butt?" And I'll be like, "It's a hidden camera! Look! Now it's hidden, now it's not... Now it's hidden, now it's not!" And we'll have a few laughs and a torn butt@#
$l and then break up and I'll be back to where I am now - wishing I had something even though I know for a fact that I don't want it.
-#8. Apparently if one falls in love, one loses. And I have lost a lot in a short time but I'm curious to see how it feels again so I want one.
-#7. So I can practice lying.
-#6. So I can practice cheating although I've never done it, I want to hone my skills. And I heard the most exciting way to do this is to get a boyfriend first.
-#5.
-#4.
-#3.
-#2.
-#1.
I ran out of ideas but when I think of something I'll update. Too bad I disabled comments because I could use some suggestions. Anyhow, you get the jest.
