Ok so I sent a message in a vacuum to see if my X wanted to celebrate Passover/Easter weekend together,eat some really nice food, (I was all too willing to prepare with the help of my personal assistant), sample some wine (four glasses preferbly but more if necessary), eat some sweets including me(food and sex go hand in hand for me)...hahaha, tell some funy silly stories even laugh at ourselves and just relax in general. My X has as much manners as a pig in his sty. He doesn't reply. When he does he uses the same format I use only because I remain convinced that he is a coward and lacks the substance to articulate clearly his expectations, needs wants and desires. Calling me is just way out of his relm. What did I ever see in him? What do I see now? Last evening at a dinner party I made mention of his name to someone I trust more than my mother for g-dsakes and without warning WHAM she slaps me with who is this guy? Before I could say one full sentence - she stops me dead in my tracks and says "You're not seeing him, we're going for a run instead - that is a dead issue, leave that alone it does not concern you anymore, forget it, do not call him ANYMORE, wtf is wrong with you she said, don't you get it - it's fucking over over over." So after a funfilled evening she drove me home. The drive was short, but the silence bore holes through me. I checked my messages to see if he replied to my offer to spend some Q time with me breaking bread. Ofcourse there was no response. I dry my eyes and head off to bed. Today I woke early with several things on my mind. 1) I knew I need to be alert for the confrence call that I was going to be having with my tutor and my Prof. at 8:30 a.m to iron the strategy for my upcoming final exam this week. 2) I was really hoping to get a message saying "Yes I think its a great idea to bread bread and drink some wine" but just as my pragmatic mind told, do not hold your breath you will die from the lack of air. For some it’s easier to accept than others. But I don’t think anyone enjoys being ignored. It's like a death occured. The first few days I cried my heart out. I let out all of my negative feelings, and do almost nothing more all day than to "think about him". Whenever I try to slip in a positive thought, I’ll disregard it right away. It’s my privelege to be sad just a few days a year. Initially I thought it really important in this phase is that you don’t talk to anyone about the break up. At least not more than something like “we’re not together anymore”. I stopped listening to the radio, unplugged the television, because that will fuck with your emotions, and I was already fucked up so why bother.So I just let myself be as sad as I could, without talking to anyone, and without getting feelings from anyone else other than myrself(very important). I got to the point where I was sick thinking about him. I started realizing that he wasn’t "the one" for me, and that I have my whole life waiting, along with millions of cute guys. But the tricky part is the mind has a way of playing tricks on you. I did allow my human instint to get in the way after spending time ridding myself of the emotional baggage that came with this relationship. I was fluctuating backwars and forward each day, but the crying is over. My heart has harden to its reality. Soon, I’ll meet another guy, twice as nice, and it’s all uphill from here with joy and happiness. So in conclusion I am taking my gal-pal advice and leave this alone. I am going to spend the weekend studying and will be cooking a feast for my girls. Besides they love and care for me. Added bonus, they love my cooking and they tell me so with all the ooos and ahhhhs, but they always ask when will we do this again. Life’s strange isn’t it?
Cheers
