My friends hate me because I'm stupid. They always have to rub in how smart they are, but instead of making me think they're smart, it just makes me feel more stupid. They use big words and make up overly thought out responses to everything I say. I'll mumble, "Man it's cold out." They'll yap back, "Actually, according to the laws of thermal dynamics, space-time fluctuates relative to the magnitude of heat radiation, therefore it is not actually cold." Seriously, who cares? Knowing the physics of whatever-the-hell-I-said will not make my fingers any less numb. I'm by far the dumbest kid out of all my peers. We hang out at a restaurant and while they talk about crazy philosophical nonsense, I doodle on a napkin and play with myself under the table. Every once in a while I say something out of boredom, but they're quick to tell how stupid I am and that I should shut up. I never understood why people want to be smart. All I need out of life is sex, sex, sex and my computer. Fortunate for me, none of those things require any intelligence. Instead of bullshitting around with text books and studying, I can relax at my computer and stay ignorant without a care in the world. A lot of people tell me I should be motivated to learn something. To hell with that. I'm not going to lie, I am pretty interested in science. For example, I did an experiment one year in a school science fair. For the project, I studied the psychological effects of botany on the optical nervous system and influence of perspective. Here are my results:
optical illusion...
That was the end result. The rest of the project consisted of information and trial statistics which, I must admit were very fun to collect. Unfortunately, after my hard work, my science teacher didn't appreciate my experiment at all. Neither did the principal. At least my art teacher liked it. Today it was +1 degrees in my village and tragically I had to sleep. I wasn't in the mood deal with any human life form. So when I couldn’t sleep anymore I woke up took a shower put my Saint Paddy’s day t-shirt, and hat to match. I walked all the way to the flower shop and bought... you guessed it flowers. After drudging in, the first thing I did was rush off to the custom service counter to inquire as to how many flowers I could purchase with this particular gift card. I was a tad bit gruff and the Ms. At the counter pretended she did not hear me which was fortunate, for her. My hand was blue and lifeless so I banged it on the cash counter a few times until I regained enough feeling in my finger tips. She began bitching because I was obviously not as polite as I could have been. I screamed, "Look lady, I am already having a bad day. How can you expect me to be nice to you, when at first glance I can see that you hate your stinking job? What the hell is wrong with you?" She got even more furious but I matched furiousness so we're cool now. Few minutes later a jackass came in and yelled over me; that his floral arrangement was not delivered on time and that it was not like it appeared online. He talked with a snooty voice and fake sophistication trying to impress me with his knowledge of flowers. All it did was made him feel dumb. I walked away from the counter with my finger in the vertical position. Go fuck yourself duckweed. Here's the deal, if you live where I currently reside, I guarantee anything you order on the phone or online for pickup will be the least of your worries. Every day I meet at least ten morons who try to impress me with how intelligent they are. They don't even take the time to realize that I'm a dumbass and wouldn't know a smart person from a clinical retard. Instead of having a normal conversation, they have to enlighten me with dumb tidbits of useless knowledge and big words that I don't even know. I was getting ready to order a glass of wine, every time it was her time to order a drink, the server would stand at our table for 5 minutes and while stating dumb common sense factoids like, "Did you know that Alcohol kills brains cells?" I just shrugged and tried to ignore it but she kept going, "Yeah, drinking is actually illegal if you have too many and operate an automobile.” Who says things like that? Finally I shoved the drink list in her face and said, "Look smarty pant, if you don't shut up and order a fucking drink, I'm going to hollow out your skull and make a vat out of your head." If I met someone who drank wine out of a skull, I would be a hell of a lot more impressed than if he knew an entire encyclopedia of useless alcohol trivia. If anyone is willing to sacrifice their life so that I can drink wine out of their skull, email me so we can arrange a time, place, and guillotine rental. I keep getting off the god damn subject. Here's the deal - if you need to spend all your time and energy convincing people that you're smart, you aren't. The real intelligent people are the ones that don't give a shit about what people think. They don't sit around all day bragging about what they know and what you don't. Instead, they live life and have fun without giving half of a thought about their meaningless IQ or SAT test scores. One dirt dumb alcholic gave me a long spiel about how she had a higher IQ than most of the straight edge geeks with good grades. At first I didn't judge her as a complete bs’ers because I liked the idea of a child prodigy that's so far above everyone that they resort to drinking and drugs. When she stopped talking, I asked, "So, what's your IQ?" She replied, "The last test I took, it was around 180." Yeah sure, whatever you say, Genius. I think my bullshit detector blew a fuse on that one. At this point in the conversation, I turned around 180 and walked away. There are some people who know that they aren't fooling anyone with their lies, so instead of boosting their own ego, they blabber on with achievements of their friends and family. They tell me, "My friend’s dad's uncle gets to hang out with the President of Air Canada!" Yeah, so what? Liars are so full of shit and don't even realize that everyone sees through them. Just accept that everybody is stupid, only some are less stupid than others. In the end, we all know jack shit and always will. I see no need in learning anything besides how to have live a fun filled life. Maybe that will change when I'm much older, but hey, I'm not older yet, so all you "smart" fuckers can back the hell off.
