And My Point Is?

I was thinking about what definitively separates a kid from an adult. It's cereal. When you start eating more eggs and bacon than Cinnamon Toast Crunch, that's when you're an adult. That's when you start down the path of bogus priorities. Down the path of self destructive behavior. Down the path of losing your sense of humor. Down the path of saying a list of things by repeating the first few words instead of using commas because your points are too profound to fit in one sentence. Down the path of using "going down paths" as an all-encompassing metaphor for all your shitty decisions. People who take their lives seriously are boring to hang out with, but when I'm not around them; their existence causes me destructive emotional pain. For that reason, it's almost less traumatic for me to hang out with boring people than to sit alone and hate that they exist somewhere. I just need to know who is who. That's why the first thing I do when I meet someone is look in their cereal cabinet. If the cereal isn't relevant to my nostalgia, I leave. I also check the expiration dates to make sure they're not just left over from younger days. I met this guy at a night club, who later ruined my life. I should have seen the warning signs, because I went over to his place and saw he had a box of Frosted Flakes that was so old, there was a picture of a little orange kitten on the front. That's the kind of shit that bothers me about someone. Because you know that Frosted Flake boy is not going to wander into the woods and find frogs and rub their tummies and sing them lullabies. He's too good for that. Too good for frogs, too good for Honeycombs, and too good for me. The only thing that makes him a content individual is going to night clubs and finding girls lives to ruin. And I attribute it all, on a semi-metaphorical basis, to a rising disinterest in sugary cereal. I've been without cereal for a few months. I know what it's like. You start to feel powerful. You start to feel in control of yourself. You start wearing blouses. You start seeing the big picture. You start holding in farts instead of letting them out because you care more about your image than everyone else's good time. You start not having laugh attacks. You start talking in clichés. You start what you can't finish. I start the engine and you'll pop the hood and take a look. Even knowing all this, I can't prevent it. I can't help but turn into another serious person self-proclaimed philosopher douche bag. The decision is out of my hands. As pointless as it is to ponder my existence, it's equally pointless to do anything else. It's like I've been thrown in a padded white room with nothing but a box of legos that have all the nubs shaved off so they don't stick together. Of course I'm going to play with them, but I'm not going to put much effort into it because everything's going to fall apart anyway. And it's only a matter of time before I start screaming, "Can I get some snacks in here?" And a flap opens and a Snickers bar falls out. And I suck the chocolate off and use the honey to stick the legos together. And I feel incredibly clever with myself, but at the same time, I also feel incredibly lonely that nobody is there to see me my awesome nougat Lego tower.

On a more serious note, do you think that in colonial days, you could buy village insurance? Like... In the case where your village burned down, they would give you a settlement.

Germany...what more can I say? Loved it.

The German nation, has often been on the wrong side of history, politically. We really don't need to go into the litany of German mistakes through history. They are well-known. Common knowledge, even.

So this year I decided to take my vacation in no other than, you guessed it... Germany. I mean, what's not to like? Any culture that could invent and proliferate something so timeless as the dirndl is right by me. My childhood fantasy was mostly bent on two things. One driving on the autobahn (such an event was a HUGE deal) doesn't hurt, either. Nor does having a German lover except at 8000 miles away one must become extremely creative. Although in our internet savvy world, there are plenty of ways to increase communication! Webcams test messaging, phone calls, and emails can all supplement face-to-face communication, but really it does not take the place seeing each other day today basis.

Germany rocked me to my foundation. Everyone should take their vacation in Germany. Who knows I could be a twee bit biased? Who cares, just do it. I have unfinished business in Germany so guess what? I will be going back.

One day, an acquaintance and I took a walk in the Pfalz. We parked towards the top of a hill and walked at a slower pace through beautiful trees, now and again glimpsing the blue distance of Alsace Lorraine. I lingered, picked up stones and plucked wildflowers. We passed many happy hikers: very sporty ones decked out in full regalia, some kids in lederhosen and gingham scarves (I kid you not: they looked adorable), and large gangs of pensioners (known as the Renntner Safari). It was safe, beautiful and fun. Our walk led us to a …

When you walk in the forest or up a mountain in Germany, it is seldom necessary to pack a picnic because your walk will automatically end at a Huette (hut), where you can purchase cheap and delicious food. I once went for a long autumn walk with a friend in the Black Forest, where we were surprised by some unseasonable rain. We turned a corner and there was a warm and cosy Huette, selling amongst other things, hot chocolate, coffee and large pieces of Black Forest Cake....

The best baked cheesecakes in the world are made all over Germany, including right here in our little dorf. Sometimes I ponder my cookbooks and consider whether I should learn how to make a cheesecake. Then I think why bother, I could just stroll to the nearest bakery and buy myself an enormous slice of tender, crumbly, blandly sweet, cheesy-but-not-too-cheesy cheesecake. The best place however to eat cheesecake or any cake for that matter is in a Germany…

While I do not drink coffee for the amazing range of cakes, the coffee – dark, rich, aromatic – and the quaintness. Once you get used to it, you start to find the languid service very relaxing. Languidness extends to the customer too: if you wanted to, you could order a mineral water and sit for four hours reading your book. No-one moves you on, no-one even looks at you, and when you want to pay, you usually have to track the waitperson down to some small dark nook where s/he’s texting/reading/flirting with the chef. Then the onus is on you to give him or her…

Having come from lands where 15 to 20% is standard, even if the service is execrable, it is gratifying to be allowed to offer additional tips for service. It is expected that you spend some money. Anywhere from of €4 to €7, or €25 to €30 depending on the style of restaurant. Having ignored you for four hours, the waiter will make a …

On your arrival in shops, cafes, pubs, restaurants, you have to accept that you will be routinely be ignored. Once you learn that this is not personal (and certainly not that they can sniff you are foreign and want to ignore you), but realize that it is a game and short of lying in someone’s path so that they trip over you, you have to make yourself noticed. The opposite is true when you leave any establishment: you will be wished a nice evening, a good night’s sleep, a pleasant weekend, greetings are sent to your spouse and children – for there is nothing Germans love more than...

Family and children are very important in German society. The birth-rate is dropping there for reasons so children get a lot of attention. Children are always welcome and their idiosyncrasies are expected. They are allowed to be children and are not required to be strange little over-polite mini-adults. This means they can sometimes be hard to tolerate, but I like a society that welcomes childishness. There is also enormous kindness to children...

The other main reason I love is Germany is that it is close to great places like France, Italy, Austria and Switzerland. Alsace Lorraine is about an hour’s drive away and I have a shopping list for made for my next visit to Germany...

One of the best things about living in Germany is this: 30 working days’ leave. Shall I repeat that for my Canadian friends? 30 DAYS! That is definitely a criterion when seeking employment in Germany. I am seriously thinking I want to move there, but not only because of amount of holiday but simply because I want to. This means I can have a decent holiday back in Canada once a year and if I’m lucky a European vacations too. Germans believe holidays are essential, that without them, workers cannot do their jobs properly. And if you don’t take your yearly leave, you are regarded as slightly odd. So we do our best to comply...

Did I forget to mention the beer? It’s everywhere and plentiful, but that’s a different discussion.

PERFECTION!

  I do believe I've found the secret to a perfect relationship – have four lovers! Fabulous!

Now I’ve been thinking (which could be viewed as a dangerous thing) sharing my life with one other man is too much for me to cope with. When my boyfriend of four glorious months dumped me I figured it all out.

So last night just as I was about drift off to la-la-land, I climbed under the duvet with my eyes wide open I began dreaming. Dreaming that I had four - yes, four - of my dream lovers in bed with me.

Why be alone? Why settle for being with one man? I am no longer interested in being a one-man woman...far from it. My complex love life has somehow been mind-boggling tangle of complicated bullshit with men. Hey: "Guess what? The best part about the deal is I don't have deal with them one at a time. They can hash it out amongst themselves. I'll just deflower a lot of guys." As if. I heard real men like dirty girls in bed, so I'm going practice being a real dirty. To hell with charm school. Little did my mother know she was wasting my father’s hard earned money, because all I learnt in charm school was how to charm men out of their underpants and straight into my bed. So today it goes something to this effect...

"Baby I find that the more I love, the greater my capacity to extend love. When I care for someone, I want my lover to share me with someone else to show how open-minded couple we are. And what a loving trusting relationship we have. Because you realize it's unnatural to expect one woman to be able to give you everything your heart needs."

And share I do. Currently I'm seeing seven people at the same time. Tiring? Stressful? Not as far as I'm concerned. Why devote my time with one guy when I can have seven. Wait wait wait...It's eight because I think messing with your Ex counts. So that number has just jumped to eight. Besides why have a boyfriend when I can do as many as I want including my Ex. Think about it. No don't it's a messed up thing.

It was just the other day when I spotted a gorgeous stranger walking down the street. I just knew I had to be with that person. (After all I've been single for a few months since splitting with my former, my ego is slightly bruised) so I nervously stopped my car and introduced myself and then said: Can I give you a drive? Get in. He jumped in. He shook my hand, bat his eyelashes, ran his hand through is hair. I could tell he was one of those touchy-feely types. After the pleasantries I cut –to - the - chase “Hey yah wanna fuck?” I have a few minutes before I write my exam…. He was way too hot and I didn't want to forsake the other seven in my harem, so I took a pass. Next time it won't be so...

It's an unusual set-up, but one which works for all concerned. I know it seems strange to most people, but I don't believe monogamous relationships are natural. Why love one guy or girl and get your heart ripped out of it's packaging? Why.

Maybe this is will provide a fascinating insight into the extraordinary world of, the practice of being in more than one intimate relationship at a time with full consent on all sides. Unlike polygamy - which refers to multiple marriages, and usually involves several wives sharing one man. For the record I’m not marrying anyone.

So you might be reading this, and thinking the situation may seem like a potential breeding ground for resentment and jealousy. But I’m talking about cerebral, attractive, classy, hot horny horny men. [Roll eyes]I insist there is no rivalry. None whatsoever.

No one believes me when I say arguments never crop up, but they don't. If anyone felt jealous, we'd talk it through. I have one rule: NO fighting. If someone feels left out, they must say so. That way we can change things."

Love is one woman, four men and a bed built for five .A one-to-one relationship wouldn't work for me. At least not anymore. This arrangement makes me happy. Sex with a man is like a big showy thunderstorm. But these days sex with myself is like an ocean - there's a depth and subtlety that doesn't exist with anyone else." I can't imagine life any other way.

FAITH LEAPED...

When to temple today. Pretty uneventful. Met some very kool people I actually liked. So next week I 'm invited out to their stables to ride one of their horse, break some bread ,and wash it down with some wine... mmmm yummy I can't wait. I hope my helmet arrives this week.

Reconnected with an old Gal-Pal. I read her the riot act.I think I may have fucked here ears  for two hours but lets face it I had a lot I needed her to know. I had a lot of questions for her.  Plus I mainly called to say: "How fucking dare you forget about me" but when I heard her voice I actually felt relieved. Relieved that I didn't have to send out the tracking dogs to find her AGAIN. For the most part she's fairly stable in all facets of her life except she enjoys moving without a forwarding address. She's done it twice in past 10 years and I hate not knowing. I liken it to when people ask ..."You didn't see that coming?" Well no Baby Einstein - if I did I would have gotten out of the way dumbass. Seriously she can pack up and without warning poof  be gone. I guess it proofs that we are social primates and we need each other no what we might think do and or say. In totality it turned out to be quite an credible conversation. 
I'm too tired I will expound on this later....

PRODICAL CHILDREN...

Seriously... Cuz, here the deal. I was feeling at a loss for things to do for my birthday. My best friend totally inspired me several weeks prior to my birthday when she gave me the super cool idea of doing Random Acts of Kindness in honour of my own birthday, and asking friends to join in the fun as a gift for my birthday. No one bit. But I was bitten by the bug, and I thought what harm could be done.


{You see where this is going, don’t you?}

So I spent an entire week doing 44 Random Acts of Kindness in honour of my 44 years of life.

1. I fed 2 parking meters.

2. I took food to the shelter.

3. I gave a hitchhiker a drive.

4. I bought my assistant lunch.

5. I paid for someone’s lottery ticket

6. I gave street person my sunglasses

7. I took out the trash for my neighbour

8. I brought a flower to my Aesthetician.

9. I handed a bottle of water out the car window to jogger.

10. I asked a very macho dude if I could pump his gas for him.

11. I bought a packet of cigarettes for my apartment manager.

12. I bought a get well card for my neighbour because she was sick.

13. I bought soil, seeds and growing container for a fellow neighbour.

14. I bought donuts for the entire office staff at my physiotherapy clinic.

15. At the grocery store I paid for a young boy’s lunch at the deli counter.

16. I dropped in on my former teacher with a coffee just so I could see the smile on his face.

17. I unloaded an older couple groceries and casually walked away.

18. I asked a tenant if I could put a wash in for them and paid for the two loads to wash and dry.

19. I cleaned up all the trash outside my apartment building.

20. I picked up a chocolate bar for my friend and showed up for a quick visit.

21. Returned grocery carts back inside the store from the parking lot for shoppers.

22. Inconspicuously dropped coins on the ground as I walked pass a homeless person.

23. I handed out Tootsie Pops to children (asked parents permission first of course!).

24. I bought a 1$20 gift card for groceries and turned around and handed it to woman in line behind me. I wasn’t prepared for the look on her face. I immediately left before I started to cry

25. I walked up to a family eating lunch at a local restaurant, placed a gift card on their table and walked out

26. Dropped off a hand written thank you note and doughnuts at the police station.

27. I took a large bag of clothes to the local homeless shelter.

28. I left 3 Tim Horton’s coffee gift cards for a coffee on random seats.

29. I paid for the woman’s coffee behind us in line at Starbucks.

30. I tucked happy notes in car doors in parking lot wishing people a good day full of God’s blessings.

31. I bought a Mylar balloon with a ribbon on is and gave it to a child.

32. I went to my friends house and read bedtime stories to their children.

33. Left quarters at a Laundromat.

34. I wrote a letter to old friend the old fashioned way and mailed it

35. I walked down the street into McDonald’s and asked the cashier to use my free coupon on next person in drive through line.

36. I took pictures of two tourists in front of Hard Rock Cafe and a family in the park.

37. I took plates of cookies to 2 neighbours I don’t really know and spent some time talking with them (no, I did not bake them myself but no one seemed to care).

38. I knelt down and gathered a newspaper that a woman whose hands were full dropped at the grocery store.

39. I left a small treat with a note of thanks for the mailman.

40. I called and left an I love you mom message of her work phone.

41. I gave a dozen hot doughnuts to a crew working on the power lines.

42. I bought a stuffed animal and handed it a child as I was exiting the drugstore.

43. I totally surprised my friend Oneika and bought her two shirts for her birthday.

44. I cooked diner for a friend.

While these were random acts, these are things we can do each day for someone. It was overwhelming but you do get some form of self gratification from this (if you know anything about me I love gratification) but I thoroughly enjoyed the expressions the smiles, hugs and thank you. When I told people who asked why I was doing this they were shocked. One lady actually made me cry…(bo ho ho) but it was tears of joy that my birthday was just a few days away.

Now let the party begin and it did. Unfortunately I cannot post all the images here because it kinda got out of hand.

Me, Mamadou, Maya

Me, Deidre, Maya, Toya

Me, Deidre, Maya, Toya

IF THIS WORLD WERE MINE HE'D BE HERE WITH ME...

It's been just over a week since Danny passed away. I've been very busy and somewhat distracted from thinking about my friend’s death. I'm having a real fuck of hard time today controlling my tears. It seems my emotions have gone apeshit on me. I didn't realize it would affect me this way. Even though he was married with a loving wife and children that absolutely adored him, I loved him too. I cannot imagine the grief they must feel today. The distance between us never changed we way we felt about each other as friends. The shock I feel is so overwhelming. This is relentless. When will this stop? At 2:00p.m I must be in the gym. It’s my first day back after one whole week. Danny was always working on his abs or something. I'm thinking that is what has triggered this feeling of sadness. Because an hour ago I was too excited to go. The excitement has suddenly turned to melancholy. But you know what I am going to go and work my ass off in honour of my friend. I have a personal trainer and he's so funny, I'm sure things will be fine. He always makes me laugh if nothing else.

GOODBYE

The Torah lays out that when a Jewish person dies they must be buried within 24-48 hours absolute maximum. There are many reason but I am not going to discuss that because its irrelevant, but that is just how it is. Even though it's the 21st cwntury makes no difference.

Lastnight I barely slept. I spent the better part of the night talking to friends back home and in the USA. When I said goodbye to my friends it was around 3: 20. I must have fallen asleep at some point. Hard to say what time. Woke up this morning at 6:15 feeling forelorn and extremely lonely. I had a dilema. A decision to make. I was thinking that perhaps the right thing to do was to catch a flight (even if it were just one day) to pay my respect to Danny but also to his family. Sending flowers is a nice thing when the person is alive but it is an unacceptable standard in death. Bugger bugger bugger...fuck fuck fuck.  The heartfelt sorrow seems too much to bear today.

I learnt from my mother that my sister who resides in the USA will be taking the trip today to say goodbye on behalf of my family. Overall it changes nothing in my books. My mind is winding like the hand of a clock spining backwards out of control. All I want to do is hurl... I can't get this out of me. I want to run and scream. I want to get into my car and drive really far to nowhere just drive, ALONE.

What is it about dying that makes it difficult to comprehend. I mean I use to always say "There were two things in life that are for sure. You are born and then you die." Then why am I feeling so miserable today? Is it that I have been punched in my heart by my own words? Is it that I really cannot come to grips with my own emotions after all the years of missing him and now he's gone forever? Somehow it seems so unreal. Danny use to always tell me that is was never goodbye. He always said we'll talk soon. He flatly resused to say that word. Maybe the truth lies in the fact that it is goodbye.

But today it really is goodbye my lovely dove.

NO MORE DRUNK ENTRIES HERE...

Seriously 99% of the entries were made while I was...
1. Peeved at me ex-lover
2. Really peeveed at the lack of social justice in this world
3. Disturbed by something I saw or read thoughout the day
4. Happy with my sweetheart ex-lover
5. Some assignment I may have received a lower than my expected average score
6. Missing my ex-lover so I ranted
7. Was feeling sentimental about some silly thing like my ex-lover
8.  Ruined my dinner while making an entry so I got rotten about  my diner being burnt and forced an entry
9. Had love with my ex-lover felt happy and decided to fuck someones eyes by writing about it
10.Came home from an evening of total ridiculous fun with the girls and guess what....yup! wrote about it
11. My friend decides to check out and I get all ornery, irrtitable, and pissed off because I just cannot attend a funeral in New York, because I have exams to write next week and I need to focus focus focus. [roll eyes] but I just can't with all the things happening around me....
12. Because I was too happy to share with the world that I was slightly inebriated and the allure of it just really couldn't help myself
13. Was hungry and didn't know what to make so instead I made an entry
14. Because I really was missing him so I called and wanted to share this overwhelming  happiness with y'all
15.  Too intoxicated to remember even why I was making an entry

The short of this is I am not going to make anymore entries after having had one too many glasses of wine. It's not fun. It looks like someone threw up all over my screen but its seems others have taken a keen interest in what I have to say.

Sweet...but is it really?

The miraculous technology of the World Wide Web allows me to whine to the entire world.
So yesterday I had an appointment to take my car into see the car Dr. I wake up on time. I get there on time which is unusual for someone like me. Of course this was not going to be routine. Why? Simply because whenever, I am on time that spells trouble trust me. The guy at the counter bombarded me with dumbass questions like “Are you from around here?” As if. I replied no, but I should be because your service sucks. And the reason it sucks so bad is because everyone from around here is either to dumb and affraid to point this out. Or are all simply on permanent vacation so they have time to waste. Then he follows up with “How you did you find us”? Well I opened up the telephone book and called the first number my lil’pinky landed on, and you were the lucky ones. The integration ensues to where Einstein says: “What’s wrong with your car?” Nothing! Since you and I actually never met before I wanted to take this opportunity to meet you here and now. Instead I said: Well Mr. if I knew I would be behind that counter asking the questions and not you. This should never have come in the form of a question. I am here not only because I drove 35 minutes out of my way to get here but also because it’s your freaking job to take my car and tell me what is the matter. No. He wants to have a friendly chat. At this point I announce I will wait outside. I grab my keys and walk out the door. While I’m outside the owner arrives. I said lets go for a drive. He obliges me. Awesome!!! We arrive back my car immediately goes up on the hoist. Around 20 minutes later he calls me into the garage to point out all that is wrong with the twisted piece of metal and fibreglass box I drive. He says this needs fixing…that needs fixing…and those need to be replaced…blah blah blah. Kool fix it. No we can’t. We have to order all the parts and we can’t use old parts they must be new. I’m kool with that too. You know why? After that hit and run accident I had and the schmuck was caught the Insurance Company agreed to fix everything. So now I have to bring my car back on Tuesday and leave it for an entire day. Which entails planning and I really do not plan much, I just let things happen naturally. I really dislike cars, and driving in general. In fact, I loathe it. So bear with me as I detail my reasons…

• Now, Driving is wasted time - I don't learn anything, I don't get out of the car any better of a person than when I got in.

•Driving is stressful public transit, I feel is much better.

• Sitting in a car is bad for you. I hate being cooped up. Human bodies need to move, and poorly designed car seats only make our bodies hurt more. I can't stretch with both arms or twist my spine around, or I'll die.

• Driving demands all your attention - I can't read a book or take a nap while I'm driving or I'll die. Both of these are much more productive activities.

• Any small diversion of attention, like changing the radio station or yawning, can result in death. Who wants to die for a yawn? The consequences seem all out of proportion to the benefits.

• Cars pollute. They stink and they make walking down the street a miserable experience.

• Cars detract from my freedom. I have to service this thing regularly, feed it gas and oil, etc. It's like I'm the slave to the car. Not to mention the thousands of dollars per year to keep it running.

• Cars have contributed to the suburbanization of society, and the resulting sense of alienation that people feel. People drive home directly from work, into their automatic garage, into their house. They lock the doors, close the windows, and then wonder why they are lonely.

• Cars detract from my ability to choose. There are places that if I want to go there, I *must* drive a car. Why am I forced to do something I don't like?

Have you ever noticed the huge fraction of society's resources that goes to service the automobile industry? Look at the number of car commercials on TV and on the radio. Look at the vast amount of land space given to gas stations, repair shops, roads, parking lots, etc. Look at the huge amount of time people spend driving and servicing their cars. Mihaly Csikszentmihaly would call cars a memetic parasite, something that feeds off the effort and attention of human beings. Cars are so dangerous. Whenever someone dies in a plane crash, there's a huge public outcry for the FAA to spend millions of dollars pouring over regulations, investigating, etc. Yet every year many thousands of people die in car crashes in the Canada alone! And no one seems to care. What's going on here? How have we been so thoroughly duped? Anyone know of a good honest Mechanic? That's next...

COMMENTARY...WHO NEEDS IT?

I n high school this is how I was taught to write essays: the "writers pyramid;” the "four R's." Tease all facts out of the first draft, re-write, and write, coherently into the body.
 Avoid plagiarism; proper punctuations, check grammar, check spelling, all is good Ta-da! Essay 101. The essay could be boring or exciting, even historic. But that's immaterial. A style reveals the writer's personality and or voice.

I am an independent person. I base my preferences upon what I truly like, as opposed to what is "trendy" or popular by the seething masses. For example: I like high heels and stockings even though many might see that as odd…who wears stockings and garter anymore - unless you are a exotic dancer. I like the natural scent of a man. I love heavy fabrics even though having "open, airy rooms" is in vogue right now. I like different types of men. For example: I am attracted to European men mostly because I love accents, and because most of the time they are eager to please you. I love the fact that they are most often very sexy and they speak my language of love. I love a rugged man that is in great physical shape; muscular or lanky. I love brainy men who can take me from one height to another level.